Monday, 22 April 2013

The Doctor's Wife

We were visiting with my father yesterday in the hospital, sitting in the visitors lounge.  My sister was there, my mother, my husband and I.  My mom told him that my brother, the only one of us with children, would be stopping by later with the elder of his two sons.  My father's face lit up immediately.

There is no doubt in my mind as I watch my father's expression that this news, the impending visit by his wonderful, kind, funny, ADHD!!!  grandson was the best visitor he could possibly have.  My nephews don't know yet that my father is dying.  My brother and sister-in-law are working to protect the boys from this tragic news for as long as possible.  When C. arrived in the hospital he began to quiz my father for information.  "Why are you here, when did you start throwing up, did you eat something you shouldn't"  he's quite precocious for a 9 year old. 

The visit did something for my father.  He helped in healing in a way that our visit just couldn't...  But it also brought me to tears.  Even if I were to get pregnant this cycle... this very minute... there is a very good chance that my father will never meet our children.  No matter what our children will have no memory of him. 

My father is the man that I love to tease more than anyone else.  My favorite story is as follows:

My father had taken us skiing that day and on the ride home he began to experience chest pains.  It turns out that he had pulled a muscle in his chest, but at the time he thought that he was having a heart attack.  Despite that concern he drove 3 hours with his three children in the back.  When we got home my mother was livid for putting all our lives in danger... but she took him to the hospital.  There he went through triage.

"Name" said the nurse.
"Paul" he replied
"Doctor's name?" she asked
"Dr. Tan"
"Do you know his first name?"
My father barked back "no, I don't know his first name".
"Christopher" my mother supplied.
"Wife's name"asked the nurse.
"I don't know his name, why would i know his wife's name" came my father's incredulous response.
My mother looked at him.  Rolled her eyes and supplied her own name, "Jill".
My father looked at her... "How do you know his wife's name?"

That is my father.  To a T.  He is always on a different wave length from anyone else.  And I want for my children to meet him.  To sit in his lap and hear his stories first hand.  I sort of feel like they might not believe me if they don't get to see it for themselves.


10 comments:

  1. I'm here from ICLW and happy to have crossed paths with you. But I'm so sorry to hear about your father and hope that your time with him amazing and special. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

    On the baby front, will be wishing you much success and look forward to reading more about your journey!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sarah J, you are very kind.

      Delete
  2. Here from ICLW... I'm so sorry about your dad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts.

      Delete
  3. Hi from ICLW. Sorry about your dad's bad health. He sound like a comedic act with his response to not knowing the doctor's wife's name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is exactly it! My sister told him she had seen a couple leaving with two babies... he asked her if they were twins...

      sigh.. you couldn't imagine a better straight man for your comedy routine.

      Delete
  4. Hello -- I'm visiting from ICLW too, and your last two posts took my breath away. So much sadness woven together with hope, sometimes right in the same moments. What an overwhelming time.

    As well as you've described your father here, I feel like I can picture him a little bit myself. Your children will get to know him that way, too. I'm so sorry that the outcome can't be happier.

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, what a kind compliment. I think there is no good time to deal with infertility, and I want more than anything to be able to have a child my father can at least see... but the fates are not working on my side on this just yet.

      Delete
  5. Greetings from ICLW. I am so sorry to read about your father. I cannot imagine what it is like to go through this, especially at the same time. I am sure that you will do a wonderful job telling your children about your father, but I know that it won't be the same and this must be very sad. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you have the opportunity to make more happy memories together! Have you thought about asking your dad to write a note to your future children, sort of introducing himself or giving them advice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is funny you say that... I have see a grandparents journal that I want to give to each of the 4 (or 6) grandparents my child will have. I've never even met my husbands father or stepmother yet, but I know they will have messages they want to pass along to any children we have. But at the same time I feel like I am jinxing myself... I can't bring myself to buy them until I pass the 1st trimester... It is definitely what I wanted to give my dad for father's day this year.

      Delete