When i was responding to comments on my blog yesterday I was struck by two comments... one person suggested that the circle was a fill in the blank... leaving us to put our own emotions on the lack of ovulation. Another suggested that it was because it best expresses how you feel with negative test after negative test... that empty feeling inside. As a result all I can think now is that the emptiness of that circle will lead to another emptiness in two weeks time.
Despite the continuing negative tests and the absolute lack of a faint line at all on any ovulation test at all I am playing the second guessing game:
1) did i miss it?
2) is it going to happen late?
3) did it happen early?
4) maybe I didn't do it right?
5) my boobs are sore, so I must have ovulated right?
6) my BBT is a little higher than normal but not as high as post ovulation - what could THAT mean?
7) maybe I am already pregnant, and what I thought was my period was actually just break through bleeding and i watched this show where this woman didn't know she was pregnant until she actually gave birth so it could totally happen even though there was a wand looking at my uterus on day 3 of this cycle and they took blood and they saw follicles growing for my next cycle... it could still happen right?
I sometimes wonder if delusions is a symptom of infertility. I so desperately want to be pregnant that I am willing to play mind games and engage in a complete suspension of disbelief. But, I should probably accept the reality... this is not going to be my month. But, to be honest, I'm still going to play the maybe it happened game.
Lol, #7!
ReplyDeleteYou have to play the "maybe it happened" game. Even if logic tells you otherwise, why not hold onto a glimmer of hope? It might make it harder to swallow if it is negative, but at least leading up to it you were happy being optimistic that it could have happened or that this cycle is it. IF plays so many mind games on us, but I feel like that only proves how badly we want it, and how crazy our hormones and emotions can get.
Nothing wrong with hoping, even if it is mostly a delusion! Hugs to you.
Thank you. Unfortunately number 7 isn't even a stretch... it is really waht has gone through my head.
DeleteThe mind is a crazy thing sometimes. Thinking of you and praying for that BFP.onestepatatime.co.za
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment on my blog by the way.
Thank you. I love reading everyone's blogs! Although there is no way I can keep up this pace in a normal week... eventually my boss would notice!
DeleteHi from ICLW
ReplyDeleteUgh OPKS's are such a mind game. I didn't read back far enough yet to see what your cycles are usually like but I tended to ovulate at a different point in the cycle most months. Don't give up yet.
Since i've been checking i have ovulated without fail on day 19. Until this month. Grr.
DeleteHi, I am just stopping by from ICLW. I am almost at the same point as you. I am also hoping to see a smiley face every day but, so far, have just been rewarded with empty circles. I am terrified that, having had EWCM on day 8 and 9, I may have missed it althougher. I hope you haven't missed yours - it is so frustrating when we can't work out what is going on with our bodies. This is the last month before our second IVF cycle so we were really hoping we might chance upon a miracle! I wish you the best of luck with your IVF journey. If you want to stop by my blog is at www.inmygardengrow.blogspot.co.uk
ReplyDeleteHi Ana,
DeleteI have dropped by your blog but unfortunately I can't comment on your post under this profile for some reason. I can only post under my public profile and I am not ready for some of the people in my "circle" to hear my story. I loved your operation big belly post. Hope you get a baby so you can drink soon!