Monday, 15 April 2013

A lesson in life

My husband is a bit of an introvert.  He is the sort of person who will go weeks or months or sometimes years without calling you.  He's not upset or mad... he's just content being by himself.  Things started to change when we were dating.  He would of course call me, I was working several hours away at the time and when i came back on weekends we retreated into our own little loved-up world.  We didn't see many of our friends during these days.

When we got engaged of course everything changed.  Friends demanded to meet the man I had chosen as a life partner.  His friends were the same.  But they didn't just want to meet me.  They wanted to vet me.  They had to make sure I was good enough for him.  My husband's friends were fiercely protective and fiercely loyal to him.  They had to make sure that I wasn't some awful person who was swooping in to pierce his vulnerable shell.

Fortunately for me, they approved.  Our wedding was allowed to proceed without protests.

Marrying my husband has allowed me to meet these fabulous people who cared so much for him that they wanted to protect him.  They have become close friends of my own and people who I admire and choose to have as my own friends, not just by association with my husband.

This weekend we hosted one couple in particular and she has reminded me how very fortunate I am in life, even though i feel lost without my own baby.  She has known my husband since she was about 8 and he was in his 20's.  He did work for her father designing computer programs to help his store.  She was pregnant when we got engaged and our wedding was inauspiciously close to her delivery date.  She gave birth 10 days before and brought her beautiful son to be our youngest guest at our wedding.  Of course by then she was already back working in the family business.

Within 6 months she was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer.  It had metastasized to her liver and to her spine. 

On Thursday of last week she finished her last dose of chemo.  This week she goes for a CT scan to reassess the state of the tumors.  Next week she undergoes a mastectomy.

She smiles without stopping.  She came to our house and played Kinnect adventures and Hole in the wall.  She jumps and jokes and plays.  She is amazing.  She reminds me that life is tough for everyone.  She continues to work in the family business 6 days a week, although she admits she takes off the day that she has chemo and the day after to recover.  Her energy is boundless and positive.  She is visualizing the cancer being beaten and all signs are pointing to that happening.

I feel inspired by her to indulge in self pity a little less.  To remember how grateful that I am that I have my wonderful husband, my home, my job, my health.  I will continue to want our baby.  But I am determined that this month, if it doesn't happen, I won't cry about it.  I will remember how lucky I am that this is the only battle I am fighting.

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