May the Fourth be with you (oh how I love bad puns!)

I had a dental appointment today.  Typical cleaning.  The dental hygenist told me it was time for x-rays.... was there any chance I might be pregnant?

I realized right then, in that second I still had a glimmer of hope.  Even though i didn't see any LH surge this month i still had a small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I some how missed it.

"There's a chance", I hear myself replying, hoping, wishing. 

Is a there chance?  My temperature has been higher than normal but not as high as post ovulation normally is... and so I find myself clinging desperately to the hope that maybe somehow it still happened.

Right now I am clinging to this hope.

Tomorrow is the calculated due date of the pregnancy I lost.  Tomorrow, or even right this second, I was supposed to be welcoming my baby into this world.  Holding her for the first time, handing him to my husband for a photo.   I am feeling raw this weekend... this wasn't how May was supposed to start.

And, with my luck and raw nerves tomorrow will be the day I give up this last glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I turned down the x-rays for a reason.