Hello to all ICLW'ers.
I have a confession to make. I some how managed to get pregnant. Forgive me.
We were waiting for our next appointment and first treatment with our RE when all of a sudden the bunny died.
I assure you, it was completely unexpected.
Apparently it happened in a week while my father was hospitalized and I was over my head in worry. It happened in a cycle where I didn't see any sign I was ovulating. It happened in a cycle where we were desperately trying to cram sex in between hospital visits. It happened in a cycle when we least expected it. Although for the record it did not happen when we just relaxed.
I did not know I would be pregnant when i signed up for ICLW this time, so I hope you will forgive me.
My background is that my husband and I have been trying for 13 months. We had a miscarriage in September of last year. We had seen an RE. We thought this would never happen. As a patient with Cushing's who has had 1 of her adrenal glands removed I was supposed to be infertile. Completely. We weren't even sure if we would be able to get pregnant with IVF. There as so few cases of Cushing's women getting pregnant they quite often still make the medical journals.
And then suddenly it happened by accident.
What remains to be seen is if it will stick.
I look forward to reading everyone's blogs this month. But I understand completely that this might make my blog difficult for some of you to read. So... my blog has moved from trying to conceive to hoping to stay pregnant.
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Stunned
I can't relax. I've been here before. I've progressed this far into my pregnancy only to have it end.
There are so many reasons this was not supposed to happen, and so many reasons to expect that it won't last.
1) I have Cushing's disease, which causes infertility. It is a disease in which a tumor on your pituitary or adrenal gland makes you pump out so much cortisol coursing through your body that everything else kind of stops working properly. It also causes weight gain, facial hair, messed up hormones, diabetes, high blood pressure, acanthosis nigricans, wow... it's so fun... it's also so rare that we have the distinction of being an episode of House. Season 1, episode 16 "Heavy".
2) I have a 10 day luteal phase. I have been taking Vitamin B6 for about 6 weeks. This month was the first full month where I had taken B6 throughout my cycle. Did it help? do I have to become a vitamin believer now?
3) I have hypothyroidism. This is likely due to the excess glucocorticosteroids from the cushing's. After the removal of the adrenal (non cancercous) tumor it is necessary to be continuously observed for Hasimoto's disease.
4) I am nearly 40. Ah the joys of advanced maternal age... Even if I progress through this pregnancy I won't be able to relax for months.
5) There was no LH surge this month. I tested. I tested the crap out of my pee this month. I was like a scientist as soon as I woke up every freaking morning. There was hardly any CM. There was only a most minor of temperature shifts compared to normal... usually I take my temp when i wake up about 4 in the morning. It is usually 36.2 for pre ovulation, 36.6 for post ovulation. This month it was 36.4... It wasn't until about cycle day 30 when it suddenly shifted to 36.6 then 36.8 where it sits right now.
So far this pregnancy has been completely different from the last one. No implantation bleeding, no spotting. So far I feel like I am in a perpetual state of pms cramps. And fatigue... but part of that may just be because I haven't slept much... I am too busy checking my body for signs and symptoms that the pregnancy is still here... I know that different is good... different is better... maybe this one is different enough to stay.
I also feel guilty right now, that this has happened for me, at least for now, and so many people who have worked so much harder are still working, are still wishing and hoping for their dream.
Thank you all for your good wishes... I am hoping and wishing fervently that the same thing happens for you, and soon.
I'm still holding my breath.. I am afraid to exhale....
There are so many reasons this was not supposed to happen, and so many reasons to expect that it won't last.
1) I have Cushing's disease, which causes infertility. It is a disease in which a tumor on your pituitary or adrenal gland makes you pump out so much cortisol coursing through your body that everything else kind of stops working properly. It also causes weight gain, facial hair, messed up hormones, diabetes, high blood pressure, acanthosis nigricans, wow... it's so fun... it's also so rare that we have the distinction of being an episode of House. Season 1, episode 16 "Heavy".
2) I have a 10 day luteal phase. I have been taking Vitamin B6 for about 6 weeks. This month was the first full month where I had taken B6 throughout my cycle. Did it help? do I have to become a vitamin believer now?
3) I have hypothyroidism. This is likely due to the excess glucocorticosteroids from the cushing's. After the removal of the adrenal (non cancercous) tumor it is necessary to be continuously observed for Hasimoto's disease.
4) I am nearly 40. Ah the joys of advanced maternal age... Even if I progress through this pregnancy I won't be able to relax for months.
5) There was no LH surge this month. I tested. I tested the crap out of my pee this month. I was like a scientist as soon as I woke up every freaking morning. There was hardly any CM. There was only a most minor of temperature shifts compared to normal... usually I take my temp when i wake up about 4 in the morning. It is usually 36.2 for pre ovulation, 36.6 for post ovulation. This month it was 36.4... It wasn't until about cycle day 30 when it suddenly shifted to 36.6 then 36.8 where it sits right now.
So far this pregnancy has been completely different from the last one. No implantation bleeding, no spotting. So far I feel like I am in a perpetual state of pms cramps. And fatigue... but part of that may just be because I haven't slept much... I am too busy checking my body for signs and symptoms that the pregnancy is still here... I know that different is good... different is better... maybe this one is different enough to stay.
I also feel guilty right now, that this has happened for me, at least for now, and so many people who have worked so much harder are still working, are still wishing and hoping for their dream.
Thank you all for your good wishes... I am hoping and wishing fervently that the same thing happens for you, and soon.
I'm still holding my breath.. I am afraid to exhale....
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition
So....................
I guess I did ovulate.
I guess I did ovulate.
I am shocked... and I don't really believe this yet....
and i hope it sticks
and i'm scared it won't
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