Today... finally... I graduate to being 9 weeks pregnant exactly. It feels like such a relief to finally be moving forward. Last week, my 8th week of pregnancy was unnaturally long. The ultrasound which showed me the most beautiful picture in the world also readjusted my due date. And I had to repeat pregnancy days 8 weeks 1 day through 8 weeks 4 days. It felt like Groundhog Day.
It's funny that they are so worried about being precise. I mean Shmily is going to come when Shmily damn well feels like coming whether his/her due date is on the 10th or 13th of January. And at the end of the pregnancy those days will be meaningless. Whether s/he is born at 39 weeks or 39 weeks and 3 days is a completely unimportant point.
But here, this early, in the beginning of my pregnancy, slowly and painfully inching towards the relative safety of the second trimester those three extra days felt like an eternity. They just felt like 3 extra days when something could go horribly wrong and take this precious life away from me.
Now... Just another 3 weeks and I will breathe a little bit deeper.
My husband confessed to me yesterday that he has been having panic attacks every night when he falls asleep. They apparently started when he saw the ultrasound. I think it made everything so much more real to him and he started to think about the consequences of what we did! He realizes that there is going to be another person in our house, another mouth to feed another body to clothe... and i think the responsibilities are feeling a bit overwhelming.
I'm hoping that if we talk about it then he will start to realize we are capable of getting through everything... and we aren't likely to be named worst parents on the planet and everything will be fine. My husband can be a bit skittish though. If anyone has suggestions on calming a husband down they would be appreciated it.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Monday, 10 June 2013
Monday, 27 May 2013
In the weeds
My husband, it seems, is determined not to be one of those men who coddle the women in their life who are pregnant. He has watched his one brother not allow his wife to do even a dish and I don't think he was impressed with the additional extra work that is created for the husband if this should occur.
Long before I found out we were pregnant we had started a somewhat drawn-out process of building a vegetable bed. The sunniest part of our yard, and best place for growing vegetables is slopping and subject to intense weeds. The only option was to build a box, level the dirt, roto-till the soil, cover it in weed barrier and eventually plant. My husband was determined this was not going to be a one-man job.
the day we bought the wood I dutifully loaded half the wood into my car, drove it home and unloaded the wood from my car... my husband took care of the other half. The next morning I peed on a stick... i was pregnant. But, my husband wanted me to continue with the moving of the wood, the digging of the dirt so we could sink the wood beams, the roto-tilling, the weeding etc... I happily complied until saturday afternoon. I went to the bathroom and there was the teeniest, tiniest amount of brownish discharge. (sorry too gross?)
The fear that it struck in my heart was immediate, I was certain it was going to be the start of a miscarriage. I spent the next 24 hours grabbing my own boobs to see if they are becoming any less painful (oddly, the more I manhandle them the more painful they seem to get), and obsessively looking for more signs or symptoms every time i went to the washroom. My husband was equally terrified. I was ordered to bed for the rest of the weekend (ok... i complied with that order really fast I am exhausted).
Fortunately there hasn't been anything else going on and today I had some nausea (although still no vomiting). My symptoms have been mild to date to say the least. When I finally have this baby safely in my arms I will be so very happy and grateful for the mildest of pregnancy symptoms I have experience but right now I would be so much more comforted by some compulsion to pray at the porcelain basin and something, anything that makes me feel horribly, awfully, uncomfortably, undeniably pregnant.
They finally called late Friday afternoon with the date of my viability ultrasound... June 4th. Another 8 days from now. I am so anxious i have no idea how I am going to be able to wait. This can't be good for the baby. They should sneak me in early on compassionate grounds.
Long before I found out we were pregnant we had started a somewhat drawn-out process of building a vegetable bed. The sunniest part of our yard, and best place for growing vegetables is slopping and subject to intense weeds. The only option was to build a box, level the dirt, roto-till the soil, cover it in weed barrier and eventually plant. My husband was determined this was not going to be a one-man job.
the day we bought the wood I dutifully loaded half the wood into my car, drove it home and unloaded the wood from my car... my husband took care of the other half. The next morning I peed on a stick... i was pregnant. But, my husband wanted me to continue with the moving of the wood, the digging of the dirt so we could sink the wood beams, the roto-tilling, the weeding etc... I happily complied until saturday afternoon. I went to the bathroom and there was the teeniest, tiniest amount of brownish discharge. (sorry too gross?)
The fear that it struck in my heart was immediate, I was certain it was going to be the start of a miscarriage. I spent the next 24 hours grabbing my own boobs to see if they are becoming any less painful (oddly, the more I manhandle them the more painful they seem to get), and obsessively looking for more signs or symptoms every time i went to the washroom. My husband was equally terrified. I was ordered to bed for the rest of the weekend (ok... i complied with that order really fast I am exhausted).
Fortunately there hasn't been anything else going on and today I had some nausea (although still no vomiting). My symptoms have been mild to date to say the least. When I finally have this baby safely in my arms I will be so very happy and grateful for the mildest of pregnancy symptoms I have experience but right now I would be so much more comforted by some compulsion to pray at the porcelain basin and something, anything that makes me feel horribly, awfully, uncomfortably, undeniably pregnant.
They finally called late Friday afternoon with the date of my viability ultrasound... June 4th. Another 8 days from now. I am so anxious i have no idea how I am going to be able to wait. This can't be good for the baby. They should sneak me in early on compassionate grounds.
Monday, 13 May 2013
Step away from the thermometer
After making checking my temperature a default activity over the last 8 months I have discovered that this is a habit I now have to break. I sent myself into a tailspin of panic last week because my temperature was 36.8, then, 36.7 then 36.6 I was panicked... I was certain I was going to lose the pregnancy.
I asked The Google. Google gave me a good piece of advice (I hope). Step away from the thermometer. There will be fluctuations in temperature at this point. That a temperature change is not the sign of a miscarriage unless it is a much bigger temperature drop. I haven't had any severe cramping, just little cramps. And unlike last time there has been no spotting or bleeding of any kind.
I am trying to remain calm, to not panic, to not give my poor baby any more stress hormones than I already have coursing through my body. I keep wanting more pregnancy symptoms. I am definitely (TMI ahead) constipated. And I have to carry tums in my purse already. But where is the nausea??!! Where is the morning sickness??!! I want to have every classic pregnancy symptom in the book so that I know my hcg is rising. My husband laughs at me, he thinks I should be thanking my lucky stars.
I asked The Google. Google gave me a good piece of advice (I hope). Step away from the thermometer. There will be fluctuations in temperature at this point. That a temperature change is not the sign of a miscarriage unless it is a much bigger temperature drop. I haven't had any severe cramping, just little cramps. And unlike last time there has been no spotting or bleeding of any kind.
I am trying to remain calm, to not panic, to not give my poor baby any more stress hormones than I already have coursing through my body. I keep wanting more pregnancy symptoms. I am definitely (TMI ahead) constipated. And I have to carry tums in my purse already. But where is the nausea??!! Where is the morning sickness??!! I want to have every classic pregnancy symptom in the book so that I know my hcg is rising. My husband laughs at me, he thinks I should be thanking my lucky stars.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
On my mind much?
I'm not sleeping at night now. Either the minute creature inside of me is some sort of insomniac in training or I am worried. I woke up at 2 this morning and lay there for a few minutes, savoring the fact that I'm pregnant. I feel like my mind doesn't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a single second of this experience.
When I did sleep last night I had the funniest dream. I dreamt that someone had put an editorial cartoon into an infection control magazine. The picture was of two scientists sitting at a desk with a complicated formula. The formula had many brackets and unknown variables and my name was there as one of the variables. The purpose of the magazine was to point out that my temperature was elevated and I represented a likely infection risk to the city.
In my dream it was my mother who showed me the comic and she shook her head talking to me saying "I can't believe they don't realize you are pregnant."
My reaction in my dream was to stare at my mother in stunned silence, unable to shake my head, or deny or anything. I remember thinking in my dream "How can I surprise you if you figure this out on your own?"
Obviously this is because I have in my head a way I want to tell my family. My father's birthday is very close to father's day and I will be about 10 1/2 weeks at that time. I am hoping that I can give my father one of those grandfather memory books and tell them we are going to need it back in January.
When I did sleep last night I had the funniest dream. I dreamt that someone had put an editorial cartoon into an infection control magazine. The picture was of two scientists sitting at a desk with a complicated formula. The formula had many brackets and unknown variables and my name was there as one of the variables. The purpose of the magazine was to point out that my temperature was elevated and I represented a likely infection risk to the city.
 |
| The formula looked like this... but my name was in the middle |
In my dream it was my mother who showed me the comic and she shook her head talking to me saying "I can't believe they don't realize you are pregnant."
My reaction in my dream was to stare at my mother in stunned silence, unable to shake my head, or deny or anything. I remember thinking in my dream "How can I surprise you if you figure this out on your own?"
Obviously this is because I have in my head a way I want to tell my family. My father's birthday is very close to father's day and I will be about 10 1/2 weeks at that time. I am hoping that I can give my father one of those grandfather memory books and tell them we are going to need it back in January.
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