In the weeds

My husband, it seems, is determined not to be one of those men who coddle the women in their life who are pregnant.  He has watched his one brother not allow his wife to do even a dish and I don't think he was impressed with the additional extra work that is created for the husband if this should occur.

Long before I found out we were pregnant we had started a somewhat drawn-out process of building a vegetable bed.  The sunniest part of our yard, and best place for growing vegetables is slopping and subject to intense weeds.  The only option was to build a box, level the dirt, roto-till the soil, cover it in weed barrier and eventually plant.  My husband was determined this was not going to be a one-man job. 

the day we bought the wood I dutifully loaded half the wood into my car, drove it home and unloaded the wood from my car... my husband took care of the other half.  The next morning I peed on a stick... i was pregnant.  But, my husband wanted me to continue with the moving of the wood, the digging of the dirt so we could sink the wood beams, the roto-tilling, the weeding etc... I happily complied until saturday afternoon.  I went to the bathroom and there was the teeniest, tiniest amount of brownish discharge.  (sorry too gross?)

The fear that it struck in my heart was immediate, I was certain it was going to be the start of a miscarriage.  I spent the next 24 hours grabbing my own boobs to see if they are becoming any less painful (oddly, the more I manhandle them the more painful they seem to get), and obsessively looking for more signs or symptoms every time i went to the washroom.  My husband was equally terrified.  I was ordered to bed for the rest of the weekend (ok... i complied with that order really fast I am exhausted). 

Fortunately there hasn't been anything else going on and today I had some nausea (although still no vomiting).  My symptoms have been mild to date to say the least.  When I finally have this baby safely in my arms I will be so very happy and grateful for the mildest of pregnancy symptoms I have experience but right now I would be so much more comforted by some compulsion to pray at the porcelain basin and something, anything that makes me feel horribly, awfully, uncomfortably, undeniably pregnant.

They finally called late Friday afternoon with the date of my viability ultrasound...  June 4th.  Another 8 days from now.  I am so anxious i have no idea how I am going to be able to wait.  This can't be good for the baby.  They should sneak me in early on compassionate grounds.

Step away from the thermometer

After making checking my temperature a default activity over the last 8 months I have discovered that this is a habit I now have to break.  I sent myself into a tailspin of panic last week because my temperature was 36.8, then, 36.7 then 36.6 I was panicked... I was certain I was going to lose the pregnancy.

I asked The Google.  Google gave me a good piece of advice (I hope).  Step away from the thermometer.  There will be fluctuations in temperature at this point.  That a temperature change is not the sign of a miscarriage unless it is a much bigger temperature drop.  I haven't had any severe cramping, just little cramps.  And unlike last time there has been no spotting or bleeding of any kind.

I am trying to remain calm, to not panic, to not give my poor baby any more stress hormones than I already have coursing through my body.  I keep wanting more pregnancy symptoms.  I am definitely (TMI ahead) constipated.  And I have to carry tums in my purse already.  But where is the nausea??!! Where is the morning sickness??!! I want to have every classic pregnancy symptom in the book so that I know my hcg is rising.   My husband laughs at me, he thinks I should be thanking my lucky stars.