First, sorry for the delay in updating. I had tried to post something from my cell phone but it didn't seem to work. Then I've been feeling a bit "off" for the last few days. I don't know if this is a new and "exciting" symptom of pregnancy or if i have a tummy bug. Either way I'm not enjoying it. Finally, my beloved nephew of "can I see your lady parts?" infamy is staying for us for the week. I'm keeping the bathroom door locked.
First, the NT scan. I was so incredibly relieved that Shmily's little heart is beating away. This was my biggest fear. I was terrified of a missed miscarriage that would be discovered at this scan. It was keeping me up at night as I ran my hand over my beginning bump and murmuring to the baby within. But that baby is still doing ok. That was the biggest relief. Our beautiful little baby is doing well. However, it has taken after it's future mummy and daddy and was soundly sleeping through most of the ultrasound. The tech kept making me wiggle on the bed to try to move the baby around. It wasn't really well positioned for taking pictures of the neck, which after all is what we were there for. She even finally tried a vaginal ultrasound and had me wiggle around with that damn dildo-cam inside me... those made for some interesting pictures flashing across the screen.
She didn't tell us the size of anything, but my husband is pretty sure that when she did measure something it measured 1.5mm, which is well shy of the 3mm worry point. But my husband could be wrong on that front. She did tell us that there were no red flags and nothing to worry about. I cried with joy the whole way home that day. Seeing our babies heartbeat momentarily relieves any fears that still flare up because of my previous miscarriage. Even though this baby has made it (almost) to the second trimester I still don't 100% trust that this baby is coming home with us.
I was trying to send a picture to my work account so I could upload it to my blog, but I seem to be incredibly technically challenged. If i figure it out i will include a pic.
The other update, which is minor in a way, but could become bigger, is that I have begun the steps of talking to the hospital about the "genetic counseling" that we received. When my maternity nurse called to check that I had all of my paperwork filled our correctly for the NT scan last Friday I told her what had happened. She was horrified that such a thing had gone on. I am currently waiting for the Patient representative, or advocate or whatever her title is to call me back about what happened. The more I thought about it, the more horrified and angry I became. Until it got to the point that I couldn't not do something. So i will keep you all updated on what becomes of that.
Other than that, like I said, nephew number 1 is with us this week. This mostly involves he and my husband playing video games while I nap. He's taking a camp on lego robotics where you build a robot out of lego and program it to perform certain tasks. Yesterday was the first day and he really seemed to enjoy it. And it's good practice for us... well... good practice for my husband... I don't need any practice at napping.
Showing posts with label nephew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nephew. Show all posts
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Thursday, 27 June 2013
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
It was no surprise to me of course when we got pregnant. I have always known the statistics on an increase in birth defects, miscarriages and chromosomal abnormalities for an older mom. I am not super scared about it, because i know the statistics are still in our favour. Tomorrow we are attending a Late Maternal Age counseling session.
At the moment I am not sure we need it, but at the time that I was first asked if we wanted to go I was certain we did. See, the night before my very first doctor's appointment my husband and I had a fight. A big fight. Biggest of our marriage. A bad fight. A fight that shook me to my core and made me question the choices that I had made in marrying this man. He told me that if something was "wrong" with our baby he would probably leave.
I was so angry with him. How could he tell me this? I remember hearing the "worst", "poorer" and "sickness" words in our marriage vows, and he agreed to it all. He knew in advance, I hadn't sprung that part on him. But here he was telling me that he couldn't take it if we were to face that.
I was furious. "You don't get to issue ultimatums to me. We have no information. This is a decision that we make together about whether not to continue or end a pregnancy. Not something that you say to me as though any choice I make results in your leaving. You chose to make this child. You knew the risks."
Since this time my husband has come around. He has since told me "no abortions for us".
Our family knows the impact that a severely disabled child has on a family first hand. I have two beautiful nephews. They are both special needs. One is super bright, high functioning, ADHD, asking me about my lady parts kind of kid, my other nephew is a beautiful, laughing, smiling, wheelchair riding kind of kid. They are both adored.
The youngest of my two nephews is highly disabled. He will be 7 in August and cannot walk or crawl (although he can roll his way around a house pretty fast), he can't feed himself, he uses a diaper, he can't talk much although we recognize when he says a few names. He is also highly loved. There isn't a single part of my body that doesn't love that little boy. He has the best giggle in the world and I love to make him laugh. I fell in love with him the second I first saw him. We didn't learn about any developmental delays for months. Even if we had known it wouldn't have changed anything.
My brother and his wife are AMAZING. I can't say it enough. They will fight tooth and nail for that boy. They ensure that he has everything that he needs. They make sacrifices and save for a future where they won't be able to care for him themselves. They make sure he will always have everything he needs. And they make sure that his older brother is a part of his life. That he learns to love and accept and defend his little brother. There were times when it was hard. When my older nephew despaired of his younger brother ever "not being a baby". But now he knows. His little brother is special... and it will be his job to make sure that no one every hurts that special boy.
My husband on the other hand met my nephew as a highly disabled 5 year old. While he is quite charmed by the 9 year old, and likes to share tips on video games with him, he doesn't quite know how to relate to the younger boy. He won't hold him, or hug him or play with him.
I have always been determined not to force this relationship. But I do want to see it flourish. I want my husband to love this wonderful boy who has a special gift for teaching us about ourselves.
All these things go on in my head constantly. We have out NT test next Friday and I am terrified of the results. But it isn't just about having a disabled child. I know I could love that child. But I don't know that it won't make my marriage crumble. It is amazing to watch my brother and sister-in-law support each other and make it work. But that's so hard. And even though my hubby has realized that he can't issue a dictate like that I don't know how he will cope in practice.
And I am scared of my own weaknesses. My inability to be as strong as you have to be to fight every day for that child. My inability to provide financially for that child as well as my brother can. My older nephew will always be there to provide for his little brother, but who would look after our child when we are gone if they can't look after themselves?
At the moment I am not sure we need it, but at the time that I was first asked if we wanted to go I was certain we did. See, the night before my very first doctor's appointment my husband and I had a fight. A big fight. Biggest of our marriage. A bad fight. A fight that shook me to my core and made me question the choices that I had made in marrying this man. He told me that if something was "wrong" with our baby he would probably leave.
I was so angry with him. How could he tell me this? I remember hearing the "worst", "poorer" and "sickness" words in our marriage vows, and he agreed to it all. He knew in advance, I hadn't sprung that part on him. But here he was telling me that he couldn't take it if we were to face that.
I was furious. "You don't get to issue ultimatums to me. We have no information. This is a decision that we make together about whether not to continue or end a pregnancy. Not something that you say to me as though any choice I make results in your leaving. You chose to make this child. You knew the risks."
Since this time my husband has come around. He has since told me "no abortions for us".
Our family knows the impact that a severely disabled child has on a family first hand. I have two beautiful nephews. They are both special needs. One is super bright, high functioning, ADHD, asking me about my lady parts kind of kid, my other nephew is a beautiful, laughing, smiling, wheelchair riding kind of kid. They are both adored.
The youngest of my two nephews is highly disabled. He will be 7 in August and cannot walk or crawl (although he can roll his way around a house pretty fast), he can't feed himself, he uses a diaper, he can't talk much although we recognize when he says a few names. He is also highly loved. There isn't a single part of my body that doesn't love that little boy. He has the best giggle in the world and I love to make him laugh. I fell in love with him the second I first saw him. We didn't learn about any developmental delays for months. Even if we had known it wouldn't have changed anything.
My brother and his wife are AMAZING. I can't say it enough. They will fight tooth and nail for that boy. They ensure that he has everything that he needs. They make sacrifices and save for a future where they won't be able to care for him themselves. They make sure he will always have everything he needs. And they make sure that his older brother is a part of his life. That he learns to love and accept and defend his little brother. There were times when it was hard. When my older nephew despaired of his younger brother ever "not being a baby". But now he knows. His little brother is special... and it will be his job to make sure that no one every hurts that special boy.
My husband on the other hand met my nephew as a highly disabled 5 year old. While he is quite charmed by the 9 year old, and likes to share tips on video games with him, he doesn't quite know how to relate to the younger boy. He won't hold him, or hug him or play with him.
I have always been determined not to force this relationship. But I do want to see it flourish. I want my husband to love this wonderful boy who has a special gift for teaching us about ourselves.
All these things go on in my head constantly. We have out NT test next Friday and I am terrified of the results. But it isn't just about having a disabled child. I know I could love that child. But I don't know that it won't make my marriage crumble. It is amazing to watch my brother and sister-in-law support each other and make it work. But that's so hard. And even though my hubby has realized that he can't issue a dictate like that I don't know how he will cope in practice.
And I am scared of my own weaknesses. My inability to be as strong as you have to be to fight every day for that child. My inability to provide financially for that child as well as my brother can. My older nephew will always be there to provide for his little brother, but who would look after our child when we are gone if they can't look after themselves?
Sunday, 23 June 2013
The Reveal: My family
I have to say that my beloved oldest nephew did not disappoint. This weekend we finally told our families that we were expecting to have to add another table to the family gatherings, and of course everyone was thrilled. But my oldest nephew... he gave us the best reaction... and then the worst.
We decided we had to come up with new way to reveal to my family that we were expecting a baby. We had told my parents the weekend before, but now my brother, sister, sister-in-law and nephews needed to be let in on the secret. We decided to give the oldest nephew, who will be turning ten in January the following:
On a 10th birthday card we wrote the message: "Ok, you aren't actually 10 yet, but it is such an important birthday that we decided to give you a hint of the gift that is coming"
Then he opened a gift that had a bottle inside with a note tucked in that say "A new cousin". It took him a minute... but when he processed it the the eyes popped open, the jaw fell to the floor and he started yelling in joy. My sister was shooting me daggers "You already know what you are getting him for his birthday?" Then she found out what the note said. There were tears. Everyone was happy. (Obviously).
Then it started to get awkward. "I can be there when you have the baby?" my nephew asks. "For two reasons, I want to meet the baby and I want to see a lady's private parts".
ewww...
"uh... you can come and visit us in the hospital but no, having a baby is a private moment."
"How long have you guys been doing it". Comes his next question.
My sister-in-law jumps in "since they got married last year." My husband starts sniggering in the chair next to me.
"But then how come you are only 11 weeks pregnant," comes the next awkward question.
"Because you can't get pregnant the first time," his flustered mother tries to stem the flow of questions.
"Uh... I don't think you should tell him that! That's the way to become a really young grandmother."
My sister-in-law looks at me stricken, "I don't really know why I said that."
I think this is how bad sex ed and teenage pregnancies get started!
So, my nephew is very, very happy. He wanted to tell all of his friends and immediately started trying to speak to my belly button. My sister is thrilled. She can't wait to become an aunt... again. I wonder how we will make next weekend as much fun.
We decided we had to come up with new way to reveal to my family that we were expecting a baby. We had told my parents the weekend before, but now my brother, sister, sister-in-law and nephews needed to be let in on the secret. We decided to give the oldest nephew, who will be turning ten in January the following:
On a 10th birthday card we wrote the message: "Ok, you aren't actually 10 yet, but it is such an important birthday that we decided to give you a hint of the gift that is coming"
Then he opened a gift that had a bottle inside with a note tucked in that say "A new cousin". It took him a minute... but when he processed it the the eyes popped open, the jaw fell to the floor and he started yelling in joy. My sister was shooting me daggers "You already know what you are getting him for his birthday?" Then she found out what the note said. There were tears. Everyone was happy. (Obviously).
Then it started to get awkward. "I can be there when you have the baby?" my nephew asks. "For two reasons, I want to meet the baby and I want to see a lady's private parts".
ewww...
"uh... you can come and visit us in the hospital but no, having a baby is a private moment."
"How long have you guys been doing it". Comes his next question.
My sister-in-law jumps in "since they got married last year." My husband starts sniggering in the chair next to me.
"But then how come you are only 11 weeks pregnant," comes the next awkward question.
"Because you can't get pregnant the first time," his flustered mother tries to stem the flow of questions.
"Uh... I don't think you should tell him that! That's the way to become a really young grandmother."
My sister-in-law looks at me stricken, "I don't really know why I said that."
I think this is how bad sex ed and teenage pregnancies get started!
So, my nephew is very, very happy. He wanted to tell all of his friends and immediately started trying to speak to my belly button. My sister is thrilled. She can't wait to become an aunt... again. I wonder how we will make next weekend as much fun.
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